![]() ![]() Like any physically and mentally demanding activity there are always risks. They should be referred to trained psychologists for therapy. In rare cases people say that they have “no limits” because they don’t care if they are harmed.Īn ethical dom will refuse to interact with such self-destructive people. This can be very dangerous and requires a deep bond of trust between both people. It is advanced consent to ignore all protests and limits. There are times when a submissive will speak of having “no limits” with their dom (consensual non consent). It is the consensual shifting of the responsibility of defining and maintaining those limits to only one person in the dynamic. Only that it is the dom that must determine and respect the limits of the submissive. There are some submissives who want the dom to be in total control of limits, that is not to say that they don’t have limits. ![]() But often it is more healthy to simply respect them and leave them where they are. With time and effort it is possible to expand the boundaries of these limits. These are things you either can’t do because of physical or mental limitations or things you won’t do because you prefer not to or believe it would be wrong. But submissives need to be aware as well as their own actions or words can cause unintended emotional pain to their partner. Ethical sadism is never about unintentional suffering. To form a connection between the dominant and the submissive resulting from a deliberate choice instead of the random nature of ordinary life.Ĭausing pain without meaning suggests callousness and indifference. The whole point of inflicting pain or discomfort in BDSM is for it to be intentional and meaningful. Withholding necessary information makes for unsatisfied play.Īvoid unintended pain. ![]() Being honest with yourself is incredibly important in BDSM.īe honest about your real wants, needs, and limits. We humans have a huge capacity for self-deception as well. Dishonesty undermines both consent and trust. Photo by CARYATIS.DARK COMMUNICATION IS KEYīe honest. The do no harm principle keeps things from going “too far” and allows us to enjoy playing with a clear conscience.ĭoes this mean that things like degradation, objectification, or dehumanization have no place in ethical BDSM? No, not really… When it is a temporary reversible effect it can even empower the submissive.īut what is wrong is to diminish someone permanently. But harm diminishes the ability of a person to be happy or to enjoy life. People are all different and have different wants and needs. What makes “do no harm” a cornerstone of ethical BDSM is that it doesn’t prescribe what people should or should not find pleasure in. PTSD, lowered self-esteem, despair and depression. People engage in BDSM play for pleasure and it often involves some form of pain or pushing outside of one’s comfort zone.īut there is a difference between “hurt” and “harm.” Hurt is temporary, marks on the skin. ![]() KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HURT AND HARM Enabling self-destructive impulses is not ethical or healthy.Ī dom works to minimize these impulses and maximize the pleasure gained through healthy choices. And even if they tell you they are okay with the activity it is the ethical Dom’s responsibility to not damage them.Ĭonsent is not a free pass to do whatever you want.Ī good dom is always concerned about the physical and mental wellbeing of their partner. It is a breach of trust to allow this.Īs a dominant, it is important to remember that it is up to you to know what may be damaging to your submissive. People sometimes consent to behavior that is damaging to them to please another. Trust in a BDSM relationship is incredibly important and ties in with giving consent.īut when does consent need to be given? Is it something that only needs to be given once? Or renewed moment by moment? What about consenting to give up your right to consent (CNC)? ETHICAL BDSM BEGINS AT CONSENTĮthical BDSM – Let’s start off with a big one. So why don’t we set the record straight and dig into the myths and realities of BDSM. Unfortunately, that stereotype is perpetuated by people in the community who don’t really understand what it’s all about. ETHICAL BDSM: It amazes me how people think that just because you’re into BDSM or kink that it somehow means you have abandoned all ethical thought. ![]()
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